


Moments

by blu_eyed_demon



Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers Turbo, Power Rangers in Space
Genre: Closeted Character, Depression, Hospitals, M/M, possible suicide attempt, suicidal behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-07
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 09:30:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/453965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blu_eyed_demon/pseuds/blu_eyed_demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of the two worst moments in Adam and Rocky's lives: Rocky's fall in Turbo and Adam's near death experience in 'Always a Chance' and how the other coped with seeing their best friend in hospital. How the incidents drove them apart and, ultimately, forced them to see one another for what they truly were.</p><p>Written for agape_eternal and inspired loosely by the lyrics of one of her favourite songs 'Moments' is accompaied by this fanvideo also made by me: http://youtu.be/i3C58ZprvvY</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [agape_eternal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/agape_eternal/gifts).



> Whilst the characters are not my own, this work is and I do not give permission for this work to be duplicated or posted anywhere else

Moments

Adam and Tanya weren't dating. They had never dated. It was a true and honest fact but no one seemed to believe it. Why believe the truth when the gossip was so much more interesting, right? The fact that no one had ever seen them do more than hang out and occasionally hug didn't seem to dampened the rumours at all, not that he or Tanya ever bothered to argue with the rumours. Protesting against gossip was only ever seen as further proof anyway.

Tanya was one of his best friends as Aisha had been before her but the main difference was Aisha was also Rocky's best friend where as Tanya wasn't. Rocky definitely liked the Yellow Ranger, there was no question about that, but they hadn't quite clicked like Adam and Tanya had.  
The big difference for Adam was, unlike Aisha and Rocky she didn't have a preconceived notion of who Adam was. He had the freedom to himself completely himself without any assumptions, or to do something new and figure out who he was without the third degree. He couldn't even consider boxing lessons without Rocky questioning it.

Being fake boyfriend-girlfriend worked for them in plenty of ways, Tanya could get back at her ex Shawn and 'win' at having moved on from their relationship better than he had whilst Adam could keep pretending to be straight and avoid losing his other best-friend. 

Adam was in love with Rocky and had been for a very long time. It wasn't a crush, crushes waned and faded over time but Adam had had these feelings since he was twelve and they had only strengthened over the past six years. The trouble was, Rocky was straight so telling him would only ever ruin their friendship and alienate him from the group and so Adam chose to hide instead. 

It wasn't all bad, he was lucky that his fake girlfriend was someone he loved to spend so much time with but he did find that it ate into his time usually spent with Rocky. Missing him was better than all out losing him altogether though. 

Tanya had been convinced in the beginning that Adam should make a move, how she thought in a few weeks she could know Rocky better than Adam was beyond him though. Not once in all the years they'd been friends had Rocky ever made the slightest hint or suggestion towards being that way inclined and Adam wasn't a fool, he couldn't and wouldn't cling to blind hope. 

Then Rocky came to him talking about how he hated his lab partner, he talked about her and his hate for her for so long that Adam knew it could only mean one thing: Rocky had a crush on her. So he played the best-friend role as best he could, he joked and teased and acted like he wasn't screaming and dying on the inside. It was one of the few times that a cog attack was actually welcomed by him. Anything to distract him from the proof of Rocky's heterosexuality. Adam had been right and Tanya wrong, Rocky wasn't gay he just had a weird taste in women. 

Months past and Adam was coping, sort of. He'd always hidden so it wasn't that difficult to keep doing it, sure it hurt to see Rocky spend his time with girls like Penny but that was nothing new. He could just put a smile on his face and, when he really was struggling, Tanya was always happy to be a scapegoat and excuse them both. It actually felt good to have a partner-in-crime to help cover up his sexuality though he knew it couldn't keep going forever, it hurt too damn much to see Rocky chasing after girls. 

And then Adam's world crumbled. Rocky fell.

It had been a pretty normal day by their standards, they'd been training for an upcoming tournament. The venue was very different from Ernie's, sure, and they didn't often fight in a raised ring quite like that but they were nothing if not adaptable. After all, as Power Rangers they’d fought in much more inconvenient and dangerous places before so a professional ring seemed like the safest place possible.

Rocky hadn't been himself all morning, it was obvious to Adam but no one else seemed to notice. He'd been distracted and failed at least half of the moves he attempted. It was all pretty basic stuff for them and usually he and Rocky could spar with each other whilst blindfolded so it was very clear to him that Rocky's head wasn't in the training. Adam couldn't work out what was wrong though, which was unusual in itself, and Rocky was getting increasingly angry with himself. 

That was what had really sent alarm bells in Adam's mind because their training was all about discipline, anger and aggression only ever helped your opponents but Rocky was still getting more and more annoyed at himself. It just wasn't like him but Adam couldn't exactly ask the coach to stop training, it would have seemed too suspicious and he had the feeling Rocky wouldn't thank him for it anyway. 

So he held his reservations back just as he'd always held back his love and affection, these days hiding his feelings was getting almost too easy. They trained, he did everything as he was told and then Rocky failed to land a spinning heel kick and he really lost it with himself. He hit the deck again and Adam could see the coach's words of 'encouragement' were only making it worse. 

This wasn't a guy they usually trained with and it showed, he had no clue how to get the best out of any of them and was handling Rocky all wrong. Adam just wished it was only him and his best friend training, he'd have been able to sort it out by now. Instead the coach got Rocky back up and told him to try again but the tension was still very obvious in Rocky's stance and movements as he tried and failed again. 

Eventually they took a moments break and Adam tried talk to Rocky as he and Tommy took swigs of water. 

“Maybe we are trying too hard.” He said to Rocky, deliberately using 'we' instead of 'you' so that he didn't sound too accusatory. 

Alone he'd be trying to get answers from his friend but right now he was sure whatever was bugging the Blue Ranger, he wasn't likely to spill in front of the others. 

“Or maybe you're not trying hard enough!” Rocky retorted, voice rough before launching himself into another kick, determined to get this one right. Frustration and anger were evidently still coursing through him though because he threw himself into the kick with too much force. So much force that when he missed he went flying off balance and straight out of the ring. 

Adam's heart stopped and his breath caught in his throat as time suddenly slowed down. The few moments it took for Rocky to fall with a sickening smack seem to last forever. Fear and dread flooded through him as he stood, rooted to the spot in horror as he watched the boy he loved fall. He couldn't do anything, he couldn't stop it and Rocky could die right now if he landed badly. 

Adam choked. He couldn't move, he couldn't react at all. Some superhero he was.

Rocky finally hit the floor and Adam finally sprung into action as he heard Rocky's groans of pain. At least that meant that he was still alive. With Tommy by his side, he clambered through the ropes and jumped down. Pain shot up through Adam's legs as he landed badly but it barely registered with him because he could see Rocky on the floor letting out groans and sobs of absolute agony. 

“Don't move!” Tommy told him as they reached him. If his heart hadn't been in his mouth, Adam might've replied with a sarcastic comment since Rocky really didn't look in any shape to move, but he didn't. He was too scared for his best friend. 

“Ow! My back!” Rocky managed to choke out and Adam felt a fresh wave of dread run through him. Of all the places to be injured, the back could be the worst. Half the important stuff for the body was linked in some way to by the spine, if Rocky had done something serious....

He knew from basic first aid training that he should be asking Rocky if he could feel and move his legs and feet and other sensible questions like that to try to access the damage but he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to ask because he was scared of the answer. 

“Can we get some help?” Tommy yelled to any and all in the surrounding area as people started rushing around. Someone was calling 911. 

This was why Tommy was leader and not him, Adam realised, it didn't matter how bad the situation got because Tommy always kept his cool and took charge. Adam was too busy fearing what might happen to Rocky to do anything but stare down at him, utterly appalled. How did it go from a bad training session to this? 

“It's gonna be alright.” The coach told Rocky.

“Just relax.” Tommy advised in a way that made Adam want to thump him. How could Rocky possibly relax at a time like this? 

As they spoke though, it was Adam that Rocky looked up to. Through the pain, Rocky just looked terrified as their eyes stayed locked together. There was imploring too, Rocky needed Adam to tell him it was going to be alright, to comfort him but when the Green Ranger opened his mouth only a strange croaking sound escaped.

“Man, I'm so stupid.” Rocky groaned though the pain, scrunching his eyes tightly as what must have been a fresh wave of pain flooded through his spine.

“You're ok man, just calm down.” Adam blurted out, finding his words suddenly. He didn't know if it was true but he needed it to be. Besides, Rocky blaming himself and trying to move wouldn't make the situation better, in fact it could make it infinitely worse.

Silently, Adam's entire being was screaming to Rocky that he needed him to be ok, that he loved him and wanted to fix things but just didn't know how. He forced it all to stay inside though because he had to. The last thing Rocky needed was a dramatic confession of homosexual love in front of an audience when he might have some horrible spinal injury. 

“Don't worry, help is on it's way.” Tommy reassure him, his voice this deathly calm as Rocky continued to groan and sob in agony. Silently, Adam gripped his best friend's forearm-he wanted but didn't dare to take his hand- to give him some kind of comfort and something else to focus on.

As Tommy and their coach continued to spew out empty words of reassurance, Rocky's gaze found Adam's again and his breathing grew less harsh though his teeth were still gritted. As he began to slowly calm just a little, Adam suddenly realised his thumb was gently rubbing the inside of Rocky's arm back and forth. He didn't dare stop since he'd apparently given Rocky the only bit of relief since he'd hit the ground so he kept doing it, hoping it didn't seem too strange to anyone else.

Soon a crowd had gathered but Adam didn't move back until the paramedics had arrived and taken control. Even then Tommy had to practically pull him back out of the way. 

He didn't notice anything around him as they checked Rocky out, strapped him onto one of those board things and then onto a stretcher to wheel him out. He was suddenly in his body again though as he felt a hand brush his and words hissed into his ear. 

“Go with him!” Tanya hissed, pushing him forward. When had she gotten there? “He needs you Adam!” 

That was all his needed, not the suggestion, but rather the permission to do it, and he broke into a run to keep up with the paramedics. He blurted out that he was Rocky's best friend and they let him ride along 'So long as you don't get in the way!'

The whole way there, Adam held Rocky's hand as the paramedics checked him out. Rocky gripped his hand tightly, eyes scrunched in pain to hold back tears as he whimpered. Adam knew his own hands were shaking badly and that it wasn't a normal friend's reaction to this sort of situation but he couldn't make his body stop it. The trip seemed to take forever and yet Adam could barely remember any of it other than the way Rocky had gripped his hand and tried to stifle his whimpers of pain as the paramedic worked on him.

Finally they arrived and Adam followed quickly as they hurried inside, he could only follow so far though until doctors stopped him and curtains were pulled across. The last thing he saw was Rocky staring over at him with fear in his eyes. 

Numbly, Adam sunk into a nearby chair and buried his face in his hands. Anything could be happening back there, Rocky could be screwed up for life all because of one stupid spinning heel kick. What was so important that Rocky had been raging like that?

He could still faintly hear Rocky whimpering and groaning through all the over hospital noises and it was like a knife stabbing into his heart every time. He wanted to rush around that curtain and hold him and kiss him and make it all better.

But what if it couldn't be better? What if the damage was already done? Or worse, what if the doctors screwed up and it left him paralysed in some way? Adam had seen things like that on the news before with Doctor's getting sued for negligence. 

If Rocky ended up paralysed or in some way mobility impaired for life, Adam knew it would kill him. Maybe not literally but it would kill his spirit. Rocky was one of those guys who couldn't sit still and couldn't stay inside when there was a sport he could learn, a new person he could meet, a new move to perfect. The summer when they'd been fifteen and Rocky had broken his leg after a nasty mountain biking accident, he'd nearly driven himself, Aisha and Adam mad, not to mention his poor family. It had been hard to be helpless and unable to heal Rocky then and hurt even worse now. He just wished there was something he could do instead of just sit. 

Then it hit him, there was something he could do. He couldn't ease Rocky's pain but he needed to let Rocky's mom know what had happened, it would be best heard from him.

Unsteady on his feet, he made his way shakily down the corridor until he found a pay phone. Then his heart sank, he was in his training clothes so had nothing with him. He couldn't even call Rocky's mom for him. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. His hands had been trembling since the ambulance ride and as he stood their helpless, useless and defeated he could feel his whole body starting to quake. 

He'd never been exactly great as expressing his emotions, he'd been introverted and reserved even as a child and when emotions got to much for him it was like his body tried to shake them out because his brain had gone into melt down and he just couldn't cope with it. It had only ever happened in private before, with Aisha and/or Rocky and they would just hold him until it passed and he felt like he breathe normally again. When the bullying had gotten bad, when his beloved Nana had passed away, when Aisha hadn't come home to them; they had all been times when the emotions had overwhelmed him but this time it was different. He was in public and without friends but he couldn't think, couldn't stop himself as his whole body shook with the fear and guilt that was consuming him. 

“Are you ok, honey?” A passing nurse with a kind face asked, gently squeezing his shoulder. Before Adam knew what was happening, he found himself slumped in her arms sobbing. 

Apparently an old hand at comforting relatives, the nurse held him and guided him through it, not as well as Aisha would have but Adam appreciated it none-the-less. She guided him around into a chair, hugging him and generally comforting him as he choked out his story. At least the story that had been severely edited to remove the 'secret love' angle of it. 

When his breathing finally allowed for semi-regular speaking, she smiled at him in that understanding nurse type way and handed him the phone from the nearby nurse's station. 

“Honey, you need to call someone. You can't be alone right now, you and your friend need family, ok? I'll check on his status for you but you need to stay here.” Her tone was firm though her eyes were kind and Adam nodded numbly in agreement.

He was half aware of her telling someone called Carla to make sure he didn't leave the seat as he shakily dialled the DeSantos home number. At this time of day, someone had to be home. 

By the time the nurse returned he couldn't remember the exact details of the phone call other than Mrs DeSantos was going to take the other kids somewhere then make her way to the hospital. The kind Nurse, Nurse Wendy Harrison according to her name badge, placed a glass of water in front of him and began to explain. 

Rocky was in a neck brace and strapped to a board for now, he'd also been given strong pain medication. His injury had been accessed as a non-emergency which meant for now a trio of car accident victims being rushed in were taking precedence. Rocky had been put in a room and they would soon conduct x-rays and other things with complicated names that Adam didn't understand to find out the seriousness of the injury. Nurse Harrison was frank and honest with him and he appreciated her lack of sugar-coating. Rocky would probably need surgery, they just didn't yet know how much or how serious the surgery would be. 

“I need to see him.” It wasn't a request. 

For a moment the nurse hesitated before nodding “Only five minutes, but he's on a lot of strong pain killers right now so he probably won't even remember it.” 

She moved to help Adam stand but Adam declined her offer of support, determined to show that he wasn't weak. Now that the shaking had past, he felt more than a little embarrassed about it. 

He was led to the room and as he reached the doorway he had to fight to walk normally, to seem normal rather than to just run to Rocky's side like he wanted. 

Rocky had been put in a private room, the rational part of Adam's brain realised that this would probably cost his family even more but for the moment he was glad of it. No strangers to witness or ruin the moment since Nurse Harrison was closing the door softly. It was just Adam and Rocky.

Rocky's eyes were closed in a drug induced sleep, there was a machine beeping to confirm his heart was still beating and tubes in his arm, pumping whatever it was they were using to kill the pain straight into his veins. It must be pretty strong stuff, considering how scared and in pain Rocky had been before and yet he was now sleeping like a baby. 

He probably won't even remember seeing you. That was what the nurse had said. He was unconscious anyway with little chance of waking up during the next five minutes. 

It was like the thought had suddenly flipped a switch and the flood gates opened. He sank down to sit on the edge of the bed, not trusting his legs to keep him standing for much longer because he could feel tremors in his hands again. 

“You scared me so bad today, Rocko.” His voice was hushed even though he knew there was little chance of waking his friend. “When you fell like that...do you remember on Phados? When you just threw yourself off that rock to save me and ended up going over, hanging on that ledge. It was like that again but worse because at least then I could focus on getting that stone gargoyle thing and then getting to you, saving you. This time there was nothing I could do and it scared me shitless.” He wasn't one to swear usually but the word came out of his mouth completely naturally. 

Slowly, he took the unconscious weight of Rocky's hand in his shaky grasp. This might be the only chance that he could talk to Rocky freely about his feelings, he couldn't stop now even if he tried. 

“I can't imagine life without you, Rocky. You're everything and the thought of losing you, the thought of losing you...” His voice cracked and broke with emotion as he blinked furiously, determined not to cry. Finally, in barely more than a whisper he said “I love you. I know you'll never love me back the same way but I had to tell you, I couldn't lose you without telling you once.” 

He blinked again but instead of holding the tears at bay, it caused them to spill out down his cheeks. He watched for a moment but there wasn't any sign that Rocky had woken or heard him and so, heart pounding as he did so, he risked pressing a very soft kiss to Rocky's lips. He'd been intending forehead but something mad took over him in those few seconds that caused him to risk such a bold act. 

Instantly, he jerked back horrified at himself. He scrambled off of the bed before daring to look back at his friend. Rocky's expression was still serene and peaceful, he hadn't even stirred. 

“Better go.” Adam muttered to himself thickly, wiping at his eyes with his hands as he hurried out of the room. 

As Adam slumped back against a wall, he breathed a sigh of relief. He'd nearly lost Rocky once that day, risking it twice had been nothing short of ridiculous. 

Rocky would live, with whatever injuries he'd sustained, they'd help him heal and get on with life. Rocky never needed to know about Adam's feelings for him because it would ruin everything.


	2. Always A Chance

Rocky let himself into Adam's student flat and looked around quietly, trying his best to keep his disgust from his face. Adam either shared with extremely messy guys or a group of barely hygienic chimps. It must drive Adam mad, he'd always been so organised.

It actually hurt to realise that he was assuming this and didn't actually know it for a fact. It was a sign of how they'd drifted apart over the last 6 months or so. They were attending the same community college but those months after Rocky's injuries when Adam had been a Power Ranger and he'd been on the sidelines had done their damage. Even de-powered as they both now were, Rocky barely saw Adam. He'd heard from Tanya that Adam had cut himself off from anyone Ranger related and that he was having a hard time letting go but that didn't make the distance any less painful.

And now Adam was in hospital after a stupid, suicidal stunt. One of the current Rangers, Adam's replacement Carlos, had contacted him in a panic. Told him that Adam had used his old morpher, not the perfectly working Zeo morphers, oh no, that'd be too sensible for Adam. The original morpher, one of the morphers that Zordon and Billy explicitly told them would kill them, that was what Adam had fucking used.

This Carlos had gone on about Adam's bravery and selflessness not really seeing what it had been: a suicide attempt. Perhaps Adam had been trying to help, in fact he probably was, but Rocky was sure Adam had decided that he wanted to die in battle. They were teenagers. Rocky was 19 and Adam wasn't far behind and yet Adam had been ready to die today. He must have been or he would have used the safe morpher. Something had to be seriously wrong to drive him to such a desperate act.

He'd gone straight to the hospital but found that the doctors were still with Adam so, whilst Carlos and the other current Rangers created a diversion, he'd grabbed Adam's keys and headed over. Since childhood Adam had always hated hospitals so Rocky had wanted to grab a few things so that he might feel more comfortable there once he'd woken.

Locating Adam's room didn't take too long, his was the only one without crude posters of pornstar-ish looking women tacked onto the door. Pushing it open, Rocky was taken aback. Though not as terrible as the rest of the apartment, by Adam's standards the room was a complete tip. On the desk, instead of college work and books as the Adam he knew would have had, there was half eaten food and empty bottles of beer. Under-aged drinking wasn't Adam's style, not usually at least. It was fast becoming clear to Rocky that Tanya's comment that Adam 'wasn't coping well' was definitely the understatement of the century.

“Jesus, Adam.” Rocky murmured softly as he moved into the room, guilt setting in. He hadn't realised it was this bad or he'd have tried to do something about it but he'd been too angry to find out. After his injury it had felt like his friends had all just vanished. He went through physio and surgeries as they carried on being Power Rangers and saving the world. He'd been hurt by all their behaviour but especially by Adam's.

He and Adam had been best-friends since second grade when his family had moved because of his mother's promotion. They'd been inseparable for so long and then six months ago, not long after Rocky first left hospital, it all stopped. He couldn't understand why Adam just vanished from his life but he knew deep down that he was partly to blame. He didn't reach out when he wanted, needed Adam close because he was bitter that his best friend wasn't making as much of an effort as Rocky thought he should be. Rocky was almost equally at fault and it had made him even more annoyed at Adam for it.

His eyes widened as they moved over the mess and spotted a familiar item at the foot of Adam's bed. Most of the clothes bundled and screwed up on the floor were varying shades of green and black with a little denim and white mixed in, essentially typical Adam clothes. Six months or not, Adam hated shopping as much as him and since he'd worn green and black for so long it was probably habit, if not another symptom of not being able to let go.

  
The familiar item wasn't green or black though. There was a red plaid shirt, long since thought lost by Rocky and it hanging off the end of the bed. It was half on the bed, half trailed over a pile of training gear that had been screwed up on the floor. The black belt that Adam had worked so hard over so many years to earn was on the floor too, half stuffed under the bed.

Guilt and anger were almost instantly replaced by confusion. Why was his old shirt here? Had he left it at Adam's before the Zeo change over? And if so, why had Adam kept it and brought it to college?

Slowly, Rocky sank down on the unmade bed. Adam had tried to kill himself, he was clearly off the rails if his bedroom was any indication and he had one of Rocky's red shirts. Rocky knew he was missing something key to the puzzle but couldn't put his finger on what exactly.

He sighed after a moment, knowing he should gather a few things and head out again. He wanted to be there when Adam woke. He was sure Adam needed him whether the other boy would admit it or not. Adam would especially need him when he realised that his attempt hadn't worked, Rocky dreaded what that reaction might be. Disappointment? Sadness? Relief?

As he began to stand, he felt his foot slip a little and sat back down heavily. Frowning, he looked down and saw a glossy corner of a magazine under his heel, sticking out from under the bed. Apparently it had been stuffed underneath in haste and hadn't quite been hidden. Rocky wouldn't have thought twice about it, plenty of teenage boys had magazines hidden under their beds or in similar places after all, except he saw and recognised part of the title. He pulled the magazine out further, eyebrows raised.

The Advocate. Under Adam's bed. Huh.

Rocky could only think of one reason why Adam would be hiding a copy of The Advocate under his bed, it wasn't as though it was a salacious publication after all. If Adam was closeted, Rocky could understand even more why he'd been acting out. Losing your powers was terrible, being closeted to everyone and living a lie was terrible but to try to do both and start college? He could definitely understand why Adam had been pushed to the edge. He'd been there himself with an added helping of spinal injuries.

Slowly, he looked around the room again. All the mess, the piles of junk food wrappers Adam used to rarely touch, the under-aged drinking, the hidden magazines. Rocky should have known sooner, should have reached out to him. It shouldn't have taken Adam nearly succeeding in killing himself to make Rocky see his pain and yet it had.

He closed his eyes, free hand coming up to rub the back of his neck as he wished uselessly that he'd know all of those weeks ago, months ago even. If he'd been a better friend, if he'd understood why Adam hadn't been a better friend himself then maybe he could have seen Adam's pain and helped. Maybe.

He dropped the magazine on the bed, grabbed Adam's old black kit bag and started throwing in a few home comforts. He hadn't helped then but he was damned if he wouldn't now. A set of clean(ish) clothes for when he left hospital, a few of his favourite books and a gameboy with several games since they didn't know how long Adam would be there after all and a few other items including the red shirt all went in before Rocky headed back out of the apartment.

As he left, he sudden noticed in the hallway the smell of marijuana coming from one of the other bedrooms. He hadn't realised someone was home. He wrinkle his nose in disgust at the smell and found himself hoping that Adam didn't spend too much time with the pot smoker. Normally he wouldn't entertain the idea but Adam was clearly currently in a place where he was liable to do stupid things after all.

He hurried to his beat up little car, throwing the bag into the passenger's seat before driving back to the hospital. His mind was still in Adam's room though, still absorbing all that he'd seen in that black hole of a bedroom.

  
As he drove, he was so deep in thought that twice he nearly ran a red light and even narrowly missed taking out a little old lady with her shopping on the short drive to Angel Grove Hospital.

He found Adam sleeping peacefully when he arrived on the small ward. The room wasn't private but the other two beds were empty for now so Adam was at an end on his own. Rocky was pleased at this. He wouldn't have to worry about listeners in while they talked at least.

There was still a chair by the bed, presumably left by the current Rangers who'd also placed a hurried note on the bedside cabinet saying that 'duty had called' but they'd come back when they could. Beside it sat a 'Get Well Soon' teddy bear that, from the look of it, Rocky suspected the Pink Ranger had placed there. Cute but misguided, still he knew they meant well.

Rocky sighed as he moved his focus to the pale looking teen in the bed. Hooked up to several machine and all kinds of drips, Adam looked strangely small in the hospital bed. It was even stranger to think that only a few months ago their positions were switched.

Rocky wasn't 'better' by any means, he'd had two surgeries already and was healing from them slowly with the possibility of a third on the horizon. He had physio at least twice a weak and had to think twice before he did anything.  
He'd put a brave face on, citing opening a karate school as his reason for not taking the powers back off of Justin but, in truth, he was far too injured to ever consider asking for his powers back and just hadn't wanted to worry the others. Not that they seemed that worried at all after the novelty of taking care of the invalid had worn off.

He shook his head, enough bitter thoughts. Bitter thoughts had stopped him from seeing Adam's pain and that was unforgivable. The others had their own issues and pains to work out, he couldn't expect them all be around for him all the time.

When he'd spoken to the doctor before, he'd been told that Adam had suffered a massive heart failure that couldn't be accounted for. The doctors had been trying to stabilize him but had been struggling since they couldn't find the root cause of the heart complications. Rocky knew it could be some time before the affects wore off, he remembered Kim and Jason both needed some time to recuperate after having had health complications to do with powers and morphers, but the doctor's wouldn't be able to help much beyond making Adam more comfortable. What they really needed was Zordon and Billy but he supposed that if Alpha was in space with the Rangers they might be able to come up with something to speed up Adam's healing. In their minds they owed Adam, he'd been injured whilst helping them after all.

Rocky sat up straighter as he noticed Adam's eyelids beginning to flutter. Gently, he took Adam's hand in his to ground him and guide him to wake. He needed to order his thoughts and make sure he reached Adam in some way. These first few minutes could be crucial, he was sure, as to whether or not Adam would cope well about having survived.

“Hey buddy.” He said in a tone that he hoped was sympathy without being too sugary or over the top.

Adam let out a small groan, whether of disappointment or pain Rocky wasn't quite sure. Very slowly his eyes opened properly before squinting against the harsh hospital lighting. Rocky gently squeezed Adam's hand again, it hurt to see such a dead look in the eyes of his life-long best friend.

“Why are you here?” Adam finally asked, voice more than a little weak as he spoke. He sounded exhausted and there was a flatness to his voice that was unnerving.

“You were here for me when I needed you.” Rocky pointed out, forcing himself to wear a weak smile.

Adam slowly turned his head to face him. “I had the decency to bring balloons.” If he'd intended it as a joke, he failed to inject the words or his expression with any kind of believable humour.

“I'm talking about your first visit. Without the others.” Rocky corrected and saw Adam's eyes widen with fear and shock for a second before his became stone faced again

“First time I visited you was with the others.” Adam lied badly, his breathing was slow and shallow as he lay there heavily, looking exhausted. Rocky sighed softly, his right hand stroking up and down Adam's forearm tenderly as his left supportively squeezed his friend's hand again. Adam's eyes dipped down to watch his hands with an unreadable expression.

Rocky took a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain what he knew and how he felt about Adam's admission of love.

“Yeah, all this time I thought that but it's not true, is it? You visited before and you talked to me. You were so upset and all this time I thought that visit, the things you said, I thought they were all figments of my imagination. Just strong pain drugs and wishful thinking...” He mostly spoke to Adam's hand but as the silence dragged out, he had to look Adam in the face and see how he was reacting.

At first glance, it was clear that the trauma of the day combined with whatever medications were being pumped into Adam were making it hard for him to process the words. Slowly he seemed to being registering Rocky's words as his face clearly displayed a jumbled range of emotions as his guard slipped, Rocky simply watched and waited for Adam's muddled thoughts to arrived at a conclusion.

“Wishful?” He asked weakly, brow furrowed in confusion. “How...how do you know I was there?”

“Well, I didn't. Not for sure but I hoped I was right. I had to ask because otherwise neither of us were ever gonna talk, were we?” He knew how stubborn they both could be at times like this. Realising that he'd confused Adam, he added by way of explanation. “I went to your place to get you some things and, um, saw the magazine by your bed. It made me wonder if the visit was real. Now I know.”

“And you don't hate me?” Adam's voice sounded so scared, his eyes didn't quite meet with Rocky's as his hand trembled weakly in the once Red Ranger's grasp. Apparently he was still so addled that he'd missed key parts of Rocky's speech.

“No, never. I couldn't hate you Adam. Not ever.” He leant in a little as he held Adam's quaking hand in both of his. “Look at me.” When Adam didn't respond to the request, he repeated it with a firm “Hey, look at me Adam. I don't hate you because I know, I get it ok? I understand why you hid because I've been hiding too.”

Adam's eyes widened in shock for a moment but he didn't speak and Rocky knew why, Adam didn't trust his judgement was waiting for confirmation that he'd understood Rocky's words.

Smiling weakly, Rocky tilted his head and shrugged self-consciously “Yeah, you've got company in the closet. Surprise?”

Adam's eyes slid closed as his tired voice admitted “I don't understand. You date girls, I've seen you...”

“Says the man who's been in a steady relationship with Tanya for what? A year and a half?” He had to joke, however weakly, because if he didn't he'd start thinking about how much time they'd wasted and how much hurt they'd caused themselves and each other. He'd wait until Adam was a little less medicated to start the whole bisexuality conversation.

“Touché.” Adam swallowed hard and it took a very visible effort to do so. It really hit it home to Rocky exactly how close Adam had come to getting his death wish fulfilled. “We never did though. Just let people think it.”

“You were very convincing. I had no clue.” Rocky nodded, his voice even as he spoke though inside his mind was racing. He'd been tricked for so long, it had killed him to see Adam with the Tanya and now he knew it had all been a lie. He still couldn't understand how they'd managed to trick him for so long. Adam had never been able to lie to him and yet apparently he'd been able to hide so much for so long. “Billy always used to try to push me to talk to you about it but I was so sure you and Tanya were the real deal.”

“Talk to me? About being gay too?”

Rocky smiled affectionately at the other teen. It wasn't often that Adam was this dense which suggested either that his meds were muddling him more than Rocky realised or Adam just wasn't daring to allow himself to believe his feelings were returned. Either way it was absolutely adorable.

“Do you remember what you said?” He asked Adam instead of answering his best friend's questions. “When you were here and it was me in the bed?”

Adam gave the smallest, barely detectable of nods as the tiniest hint of colour on his sickly pale face gave away his embarrassment at the memory. Sliding out of his seat, Rocky sat on the edge of the bed, mirroring what Adam had done in that very hospital only half a year before.

“I think it's my turn to be honest now. No more hints, no more hedging my bets so you can't misunderstand me.” He paused and took a deep breath as he tried to order his thoughts into something that Adam could understand in his current state. “You wanted to know why I was so angry that day? Well, see, I heard you'd stayed over Tanya's the night before. I got it into my head that you and she had, well, you know gone all the way. I knew I had no right to be jealous and mad at you but I couldn't help it and every time you tried to calm me down it just made it worse.”

He smiled a sad, awkward sort of smile down at Adam who seemed struck dumb by the confession. His mouth was hanging open very slightly and his brow knit together in confusion.

“I've missed you so much but every time I wanted to call I was scared I'd have to hear about Tanya or some new girl. And I was angry that you never called me but I understand now. At least, I think I do. So there's no need to hide from each other any more because I love you too.”

It was a declaration made months, perhaps years too late but they'd finally gotten there and Adam was finally smiling a real, genuine smile.

He could leave it there and simply bask in the moment but Rocky knew he couldn't. Adam was in a dark place right now and Rocky knew his love couldn't magically fix it all. He wasn't so egotistical that he thought his mere presence could wipe away all suicidal thoughts or tendencies from Adam's mind.

Suddenly doubtful and insecure he continued “I want to be with you Adam, if you still want me.” After all it had been six months, what if Adam was sleeping with one of his dodgy house-mates? What if he hated Rocky now? And why was all of this only now occurring to Rocky?

Finally, Adam spoke in that weak voice that seemed to take so much effort to produce. “Of course I do, you fucking idiot.” The tone was affectionate but the swear word was still jarring to Rocky's ears. They'd always been such squeaky clean kids that, no matter how bad the situation got, the Rangers never swore. Hearing Adam using the word so casually was strange but then this Adam wasn't a Ranger anymore, this was an Adam he needed to get to know again. Rocky was certain that he loved him with all his heart so what did a few swears and beers matter, right?

Rocky softly kissed Adam's hand for the first time, almost tentative in his action until he saw the happy look on Adam's face.

Slowly and carefully, Rocky lay down on his side next to Adam and wrapped his arm gently around his waist. They were face to face still, only inches apart from one another.

“If you'd died today, if it had worked, I'm not sure how I would have lived with myself.” He murmured softly, admitting that he knew Adam's true intentions in a way that he hoped wasn't too accusatory.

“You'd been gone for months, didn't think you would care.” There was only a little accusation in the tone. Adam took a deep breath that seemed to take a lot of effort and then sighed “I really didn't plan it Rocky, I just...I had the morpher and Alpha kept saying 'don't do it' and 'it'll kill you' and I realised I didn't care. That I kinda wanted to go out like that, you know?”

“Part of you must have been thinking about it, why else would you have been carrying that morpher in the first place?” Rocky's hand moved up to gently stroke Adam's cool cheek. “I'm not going to judge you, I know you've been going through a lot. You don't need to sugar-coat it for me.”

“I've been training Carlos all this week. He got the Pink Ranger hurt and sort of freaked out a bit. Training him, seeing monster attacks and being around Alpha it just made me miss it even worse. So yeah, I started carrying my morpher and communicator but it was just because I missed it so badly. Life without being a Ranger is just so fucking hard. It's just been so empty without it...without you.” Though speech clearly still took a real effort on Adam's part, he didn't seem to be as slowed and confused as when he first woke. Perhaps the exhaustion was beginning to pass or maybe his body was just getting used to the pharmaceutical cocktail being pumped through his veins.

“Adam, if that was true then why were you only carrying the morpher that would kill you and not the others?” Rocky reasoned gently, the light touch of his hand coming to rest on Adam's neck as his thumb moved back and forth in a gentle caress. Adam's eyes slid closed briefly, just enjoying the tender touch before he was grounded again, voice soft and serious.

“Those are our real morphers, Rocky. Even before we were Rangers you always wore red, I always wore black. It just felt right to have it, hold it again. I didn't actually intend to use it, not at first. I just wanted to be the Black Ranger again.”

Rocky eyed him doubtfully, he got the feeling that Adam was in some serious denial over what had happened but there was no need to push it right now, not so soon after. Instead he shifted closer stiil so that their foreheads lightly touched and their noses brushed together just slightly.

“If we're going to date, we've got to have a rule.” Rocky told him firmly, their eyes locked seriously. “No more secrets. I'm serious, you can tell me anything. I don't want you feeling like you have no other option again. I know what it's like to lose powers remember? I didn't get a choice either. My back's so messed up.” The position he was lying in wasn't exactly brilliant for his healing back but he'd dreamt of lying with Adam, holding him for so long that he wasn't willing to break contact just yet.

“Because of me.”

“No because I'm a stupid idiot. That fall, my behaviour at training that day, my stupid jealousy, it's all on me Adam. Not you.” The last thing he needed was Adam taking on more guilt when he was in such a fragile state as it was.

Slowly Adam nodded, his nose lightly rubbing against Rocky's as he did so. “I promise.” As he spoke, he stifled a yawn clearly exhausted from the conversation.

Lovingly, Rocky kiss him lightly. “Sleep. I'm not going anywhere.”

Adam seemed reluctant but when he opened his mouth to argue the only thing that came out was another yawn.

With a chuckle, Rocky brushed his lips against Adam's in their first real kiss. It was nothing like the fantasies Rocky had had over the years and yet, though flawed in so many ways, it was infinitely better than all of the fantasies because this was real.

As Adam drifted off to sleep, Rocky carefully shifted into a position that his ruined back favoured. He closed his eyes and simply listened to the steady beep on the machine monitoring Adam's heartbeat.

It was still there, still constant and reassuring as Rocky tried to push away the terrible events that had led them to this moment. They were both older though certainly not wiser, both scarred and broken in their own ways and yet they still fitted together so perfectly in a way that felt so right and true. For years Adam had been the reason he got up in the morning, the reason he fought so hard for what was right and the cause of some of the best moments of his life. And now it was time for Rocky to show Adam that they both still had a reason to be alive, whatever that reason might be.

For now though, he'd just lie there and feel the warmth gradually returning to Adam's skin and the steady, comforting beat of his heart.


End file.
